Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Being Normal: A Conundrum by Jaime Filer

Being Normal: A conundrum

A theme that's been running through this entire prep is that of "Being Normal." I carry my cooler around everywhere I go, I workout 5 days a week, I do cardio 6 days a week, and I kick my boyfriend out at 10:30 so that I can get enough sleep to wake up at 5:30 in order to get said cardio in. This isn't normal.

But what's been bothering me and haunting me the last couple of weeks is that I finally look good in AND out of clothes. That sounds weird, right? Up until I lost the first 25lbs, I wasn't comfortable with my look. I thought I was too big, too muscular and not feminine enough. Now my weight is down and my confidence is up. In my head, that's where it ends - to have a rockin', not-too-muscular body, and be comfortable in my own skin. Then I remember my ultimate goal: Getting my Pro card in natural bodybuilding.

So on days where I get insatiable cravings for gourmet cookies, Ben & Jerry's, or just normal food that I don't have to weigh, the devil and the angel on my shoulders come out. One telling me that I've done extremely well so far and one meal won't kill me, or undo 23 weeks of progress. And then the other, telling me I haven't posed on stage yet, I'm still 3.5/6.5 weeks from my REAL goal, so "don't you dare mess up." It's hard to balance these two; to remind myself that all I really want was/is to look good "in real life", but also, remember that in 3.5 weeks, I'll be getting on stage in little more than a piece of cloth covering the important parts, so extra dessert or an extra meal IS NOT part of the deal.


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