Self Realization by Jaime Filer

Self Realization

Ever read your old journals or blog posts and have an A-Ha moment? Reflect on what you've written and say, "whoa..." I've never done it before, but while visiting with
some good friends this weekend away from home, I decided to read my most recent blog on
this site again. I was reading about how I chose to compete again because I wanted to
lose weight; but here's the funny thing: The Me reading it two weeks later has come to a different conclusion than the me writing it two weeks ago! I said before that I chose to compete because I knew I needed to lose some extra weight, and didn't know what other incentive would kick my butt in gear other than the "threat" of another show.

Allow me to back track a little. My group of teammates, as per our coaches, have a
specific post-competition regimen/protocol that we all follow. It's called "reverse
dieting", and essentially, you stick to your contest prep macros for the week (or
two) after the show, then GRADUALLY take your calories up, a couple grams of carbs, fat
or protein at a time. Now, as you might know from my other blog posts, I didn't do
anything even remotely similar. I ate my face off for 7 weeks. Literally. Eating. My.
Face. Off. Thankfully, despite all my gastronomic overindulgences, I only put on 5lbs of rebound weight (*thanks genetics and lucky stars*). But for me, it was too much, and I picked the next show I was going to do because I was scared that if I didn't, the 5lbs would turn into 10, which would turn into 15... 20...

But here I am, 14 weeks post-show, and I have yet to stick to my prescribed diet for more than a week. And... Wait... Get ready for it... Still up the same 5lbs. Yes. The exact same 5lbs. Despite nights of lying in my bed surrounded by empty pints of Ben & Jerry's and empty protein bar wrappers, and going out with my friends and family to eat, I have hit my new set point/ceiling. So now, my thoughts turn to the upcoming show. If I wanted to prep because I was scared of gaining too much post contest weight, but I'm only up 5lbs in 3.5 months, then do I really have any reason to worry? More importantly, how do I find the motivation to do the show, when I've already overcome my fear of gaining weight?